[x]

Life be Better without MeI rather live in Sadness
knowing that I can feel the pain
I Rather live in Agony
and deal with the thoughts in my mind

Nothing will ever fade away
It was all just messed up lies to take
I wish I never was born
then maybe life can be a happier place

A life full of hurt
the pain that will never escape
Crying alone
for no one to see the pain i burden in me

For all those who care
for all those who lied
Maybe it was all meant to be
that this life was hopeless to all

I can't seem to get these memories out
I can't feel anything within me
Maybe I was just a hopeless failure...
that life would be better without me....

Need to Feel PainI feel the hurt
every time I look back
the Pain I always feel
deep inside me

I always have these urges
that I need to feel pain...
it was the only true feeling I felt
and without it I'm lost in this world

I want to cut my arms...
I want to cut my legs
just to watch the blood pouring
and to feel the pain deep inside

I want to hurt...
to know that I can feel in this world
I need to feel pain...
its like a drug to me...

The cuts I love
the pain i can feel
I just want my arms to bleed
and to feel the scars....

Cutting every inch of me
just to feel the pain deep inside
To watch the blood pour down...
on the body that deserve

Memories don't Fade away...Memories come
Memories go
It brings terror within my life
and forces me to feel

The memories that haunt me
the memories always here
why does it have to take over?
When I don't need it anymore....

Killing me on the inside
dreading every moment of existence
why must I live a life full of terror?
when it will never end....

Memories haunt me
memories destroy me
It takes over control
Until there is Nothing to Feel

Makes me cry my heart out
Killing me on the inside
The memories that are here
will never fade away....

I just WishI wish you cared enough
to know how I truly felt
I wish you understood
what it was like to be me

I wish everything wasn't a lie
I wish that you appreciated me
and not think I was a coward
not think I was a mistake to this world

Everything I have done
why did you hurt me so much?
Why can't I show you how I truly feel
or how much damage you have caused?

I wish you knew when I cried
I wish you knew the pain I felt
I just wish
that you guys actually cared about me

Breaking DownI feel like I'm breaking apart
No end to this madness in my life'
No end to this sadness I feel

Why must I deal with this all?
Or was I always the problem to this life?
You treat me like I'm not worth it
but in the end say Sorry to me...

Is this another Lie it seems?
Or are you telling the truth this time?
How can I tell if it's really worth it?
Or was my life suppose to be this complicated....

The emotions deep inside
the pain I need to feel
Is my life suppose to be Painful?
Or was I always born with these "Issues"

I feel like breaking down....
can't control the thoughts inside me
I Need to feel this type of pain
I need to

Wish you understood meI wish you understood me...
and my feelings that were there
I wish you knew all the pain
that I've felt throughout my life..

I wish you knew what you did
to hurt me so much in this life...
I wish there were words
to describe how I truly felt....

I wish you knew what you did
to cause trauma throughout my life
I wish you would understand
what it was like to be like me

I wish you cared enough
to take the time to understand how I feel
I wish you I knew
if you were lying or for once telling the truth...

I wish you didnt use me my whole life
I wish you didnt betray everything about me...
I wish I wasnt traumatized by this pain I

I Hate This LifeI hate the life I am living...
It feels like I'm not accomplishing anything
I just wish it would end already
for this misery to be over

Stress after stress
I just wish it would end...
I hate this life already
There is no good left to it

I want to leave this world...
to not deal with the pain all the time
but at the same time I can't....
cause I am deeply in love

I hate my life with a passion
but with you in it...
it makes my life worth living...

I don't like who I am...
I never have liked myself
I hate this life that I am living...
if it weren't for you, I would be long gone...

Who I amEver since I started Middle School, I changed...
I became wary of others. I didn't trust many people. What ended up happening was that I started to generate three personalities. One to be suspicious of everyone. One to fear everyone. And one to doubt anyone who attempted to gain my trust. In essence, I was setting myself up to become entirely self dependent. Without any need to rely on anyone but myself.
At the same time, I devised a plan to help the process. I called it the Three-Strike Deal. I would have three intended targets. The first was going to be pretty easy. I was going to start with my love life. I was supposed to attempt three relationships and torture myself with them enough to cause myself Soul-Mind Fragmentation and generate a mind to quickly and efficiently shut down any and all attempts to seize my heart. After that, I would move on to friendships. The plan was to slowly allow my suspicious side cause me discomfort any time I was with friends. This, in turn, would lead

Don't I deserve it?Why is the flesh so fragile?
Soft skin turns to jagged red lines
The day before the snow came
Three years ago so similar
Right to this day, before the moon came out
This life I live, it frightens them
One week ago I finally went insane
I cut some more jagged lines
Right down to the bone, my love
I hope this hurts you
As much as it hurts me every day
Don't I deserve it, my love?
After all, I blame you
All of my insecurities, spoon fed
Only by you, my sweet love
So go home, let me rest

Do I not deserve it, my love?

NightmaresNightmares take over control
feeling things that i never wanted to feel
Nightmares make me stay awake
never have a good rest, always voices inside my head

My mind takes over control
I break out crying, that nobody will hear my screams
What do these nightmares tell me?
why does it control every part of me?

Sleep is my worse fear
never being able to rest
but I let my mind take control
hearing all the voices around me...

Nightmares ruin my life
making everything turn to hate
The pain that is burden deep inside me
when will my Life fade away?

Mistake in LifeI'm a mistake
a worthless failure
after all that's what been said to me
through the years that i have lived

There is nothing I can say
Nothing that can ever change
of all the emtional trauma
of all the pain i feel

The words can't escape
they are always there
Haunting inside my head
telling me that it what I truly am

A demon I been known as
A monster that shouldn't exist
I was never wanted in this life
I was always let down by so many people

Nobody will truly know the pain
Nobody will truly understand
Cause of everything I went through
Maybe my time was up a long time ago

No escape from reality
No escape from these harsh w

DepressionI hear whispers inside my mind
telling me to do things
I don't know why I have to
but they pressure me to the max

I can't help but cry my heart out
I take this razor and slice my arm
The voices tell me to keep going
saying that pain is my best friend

I slice my arms some more
blood falls to the ground
I scream in agony
wondering why it is always me

I don't know what is happening
Maybe this life is a nightmare to all
Am I better off dead?
I tell myself everyday

I don't know what I'm suppose to do
I always keep hearing voices
Telling me that this is right
so I listen to them to the fullest

Scars all over my arms
I don't kn

Silent screamsShe hides behind her pretty smile
When shes surrounded by pain all the while
Suffering and dismay she never wanted it this way
Shes never forgotten what happened that cold day
Looking in the mirror as a tear falls from her eye
Cause she knows what shes looking at is a lie
That sweet little girl she use to be
Is drawning in a sea of misery
Black roses fill the air a heart full of despair
Eyes full of fear loved one no longer held dear
Silent screams of a heart that no longer heals
Broken shards of a love that she no longer feels
She comes from a place no one ever wants to be
A child surrounded by a broken family
Beside a bed watc

BrokenThere is a girl who denied what's right,
'Cause when she was alone, she couldn't fight.
She started losing hope in everything,
Stopped trying to see what the future might bring.

She gave up on God in Heaven above,
She lost her path from the power of love,
She wanted everything to go away,
She tried to take her life one day.

She felt caged up like a bird,
She screamed so loud, but nobody heard.
Ignored, as if she weren't there,
A feeling of emptiness and despair.

She kept so much bottled up inside,
She always lied so she could hide.
Ashamed for always wanting to die;
She never looked people in the eyes.

Behind her eyes were wor

Whats the point on Living?I'm lost in this world alone
with no hope to go on
with only the tears
crashing all around me

There is nothing that can be done
nothing that is risk anything
I can't help it
but to make sure that I feel this pain

A feeling that I always wanted
a feeling that is like a drug to me
to slit my wrists open
and to watch the blood fall to the ground

There is no hope left to my life
there is no reason for me to be here
I'm stuck in this depression
that I can't seem to control anymore

I just want to feel the pain on my arms
to watch the blood flow from my arms
to feel this pain deep inside
to end my life for good....

There is no ho

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More from *xXxEmoGothicFairyxXx

MemoriesYou made me cry
I made you Hurt
Screaming and yelling
but the good memories keep coming

Why did I love you?
Why did you "love" me?
Or was it all a lie....
I keep on wondering

Memories coming back
the good and the bad
But why do they still exist?
when it shouldnt happen?...

It was all a lie...
but I blame myself
You made me cry
I made you hurt...

It was a painful lie
a painful feeling
but the memories keep coming
but now they're fading away....

BISEXUALWe're Not worthless
Not a mistake to this world
we don't have issues
we don't have problems!

We are humans after all
We aren't in a phase
it's the truth
we are DIFFERENT

We should be loved
we should be cared for
We aren't mental
Nor are we in a phase

We shouldn't be put down
we should be accepted
We aren't wrong
nor are we stupid

We are DIFFERENT
we want to be ACCEPTED
we want to LIVE
how we feel its right

Yes we love guys
and girls
but it's not wrong
we just want to be ACCEPTED

Not be put down
Not to be hurt
especially by the ones
we thought cared about us

All we want is to be ACCEPTED
Not be judged
Not be hurt

Do you Not Care?Can't you see
the pain deep inside me?
Or are you just to blind
to really see?

Can't you see the hurt
within my eyes?
Or do you not care
of how I really feel?

Do you understand
that you're my only brother
that I truly know?
Or you just don't care about me?

Do you even care?
Do you know
what you are doing to yourself?

Can't you see
the hurt within my eyes
Every time you don't talk to me
or acknowlege that Im still alive?

Do you care?
Do you worry?
Or do you not care about your own family
especially your sister?

Should I quit worrying?
Should I stop caring
Cause do you really care
that if Im alive or even dead perhaps?

She HidesTears falling down
a smile so fake
This world full of hate
Nothing left to love

Tears become the pain
Hurt becomes the emotions
Pain becomes the inner self
Nothing will change this life

Tears of Pain
Pain of sorrow
Blood pouring out
a painful smile there is

A world so fake
a world full of evil
No good is left
nothing will be Good

No hope to this life
No pain at last
The tears are falling
behind this smile she hides

My Gaming Best FriendIn the beginning
we were strangers
Now we are
friends forever

A friend so far
but a friend you will be
Not just a friend to me
but my best friend forever

Souls shining upon us
through the days and through the evenings
we arent just any friends
but we are gaming Buddies

A friend so caring
so protecting and thoughtful
A friend to look up to
no matter what the circumstance is

My gaming friend you are
a best friend always
I love you my dear friend
and forever we will be friends

In the heart you will beYou light up my day
brighten my life
we're not together
but in the heart you will always be

Beautiful you are
an angel from the sky
a world full of light
as you stepped into my life

Roses so pure
love so innocent
A world so fake
but our love was fate

My love for you will stay
always within my heart
cause deep down
you mean the world to me

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Submitted: November 5, 2012
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Suffering

by *xXxEmoGothicFairyxXx, Nov 5, 2012, 10:54:22 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Tears crashing around me
as all I do is feel this hurt
The pain deep inside of me
I can't bear to go on much longer

The eyes of glass
the heart that aches
I can't control
the urges i feel inside me

My mind takes over control
of this hurt left unknown
I can't help but to cry
and have the tears falling down my face

I can't take this much longer
so please go on without me
The truth behind every story
the deep hurt i feel inside

I feel like a failure at life
no hope for this life to go on
so please leave me here to suffer
Maybe one day it will all change

Sufferingby *xXxEmoGothicFairyxXx

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I don't really know. Mixed emotions suck

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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~LordKontaes Nov 5, 2012 Hobbyist Artist

Love you baby and im always here for you

*xXxEmoGothicFairyxXx Nov 5, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

I love you too and I know you are and Im always here for you too <3

~LordKontaes Nov 6, 2012 Hobbyist Artist

and i wouldn't have it any other way.

*xXxEmoGothicFairyxXx Nov 6, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

~LordKontaes Nov 6, 2012 Hobbyist Artist

*xXxEmoGothicFairyxXx Nov 6, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

~Sugoi-Mishrano Nov 5, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

have, you started self-harming yet?

*xXxEmoGothicFairyxXx Nov 5, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

I used to do it for 2 or 3 years.... But i slowly quit. Now I just have urges of wanting to feel pain.

~Sugoi-Mishrano Nov 5, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

how slow? like how long did it take to quit?

*xXxEmoGothicFairyxXx Nov 5, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

It took half a year to a full year to offically quit. I was wanting to quit for awhile.... but didnt. Until i met this Girl, that was upset that I did the cutting, and I didnt want to see her or hear her cry cause she cared about me, which made me offically quit and realize that it was wrong to do so, even though I never did it for suicide. Just for the pain

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